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All In

Throughout our marriage there have been times when one of us wasn’t able (or let’s face it, sometimes not willing) to step up to the plate, so to speak and do their share.

((Like this time, when I was so sick from a serious complication from having my gallbladder removed. I suffered a bile leak about a week after I got home, which turned into a liver abscess, which eventually turned into sepsis, that permanently damaged my liver. We were new parents to a 6 month old baby at the time. My hubby is a high level hockey coach and travels 3-4 days a week during the season with his team. He balanced taking care of me, shuttling me back and forth to the doctors and the hospital almost daily, administering my IV antibiotics at home for 6 weeks, caring for our infant baby, who refused to take a bottle at the time, he cooked, he cleaned, he juggled scheduling people coming over to our home to help care for me, as our extended family lives 10 hours away. He did all this- without skipping a beat. Just because its what you do, its what you have to do to survive. There is NO way I could ever make it up to him or repay him for all he sacrificed for us during this difficult time where I was literally fighting for my life.))

There have been times when one of us had to do way more than our (quote, unquote) fair share. But you know what, that’s okay. Because I know eventually he will need me to step up and do more, or I will need him to do more. That’s what a team does. It’s not about being divided equally in half. It’s about working together as ONE.

Marriage isn’t about giving a half-hearted attempt. It is not meant to be transactional. Meaning, I’ll do this ONLY if you so that. That is a business transaction not a relationship. That’s keeping score and using it against the other person.

A good marriage, a great marriage – is about giving your ALL, even if the other person can’t. And even if they won’t.

• In a 100/100 marriage, you don’t keep score.

• In a 100/100 marriage, you give even when giving is hard. Even when you don’t want to give. Even when you feel like you have nothing left to give.

• In a 100/100 marriage, you give your all, holding nothing back, even if you don’t get anything in return. Even if you feel like you might be doing more than the other person.

• In a 100/100 marriage, you give, because you love, unconditionally. You give them your all.

Now, Hopefully- Your spouse will see that you are ALL IN and they will return the favor and love that you are giving, but hear me out… Even if they don’t return it-

Your wedding VOWS–

Your PROMISE,

Your COMMITMENT,

Those things, You made before God, before your friends and before your family–

They are NOT based upon on your spouse and what they do and what they don’t do.

They are based on you,

And what YOU DO.

They are based upon the commitment you made to your spouse and to God.

A 100/100 marriage is not easy.

But it is worth it.

{**Disclaimer**- I will be the first person to tell you the only instance in when this is NOT TRUE is when you are being abused, manipulated and blatantly mistreated by your spouse. If you think you are being abused or are in an abusive situation (mental or physical) – Please take it from me- I was in a very seriously abusive relationship before I met my current husband, and didn’t realize it until it was too late. Please if you are being abused- Seek help NOW. }

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Hope • Help • Healing

M E N T A L • H E A L T H

Last week I had an appointment with the physiatrist at the U of M for the mental health study I am participating in.

{Quick back story if you aren’t aware. I suffer from PTSD from a past abusive relationship, actually several abusive relationships. After I had our baby girl, I had severe postpartum anxiety & depression- that I’m still trying to get a hold on.}

To be honest the whole process with the study has been annoying & frustrating on my end. I’m trying my best to stick with the program so I can help with getting better care in this area. For some reason the U.P. (Upper Peninsula of Michigan, where we currently live) is almost like cut off from the rest of the world when it comes to finding certain kinds of health care. My hubby lived in Alaska for 4 years and said he had better access to things there than we do here.

That being said, GOOD mental health care is really HARD to find. I mean there are doctors up here that will write you prescriptions and their are a handful of counselors here, but no psychiatrists or physiologists. This whole process has been so difficult that I’m ready to be done with the study and find care on my own.

This has been the process over the past 8 months-

• The Health Care Manager contacts me & asks if I need anything.

• I’ve been handed over to 3 separate care managers as they seem to be having issues keeping them on staff. That’s been frustrating in itself.

•I tell them how I’m feeling and fill out a survey. We discuss my medication and how it’s making me feel & any side effects.

• I’ve been wanting a change of medication doe several months now because I don’t like the side effects of the one I am on. Stopping an antidepressant is hard when you have been on a high dose for so long. Withdrawal symptoms are real!

• The cafe manager relays my concerns to the medical doctor.

• The medical doctor talks to the physiatrist.

• The physiatrist tells the doctor what prescriptions he thinks they should prescribe or what ones to keep me on, take me off of, change etc.

• The doc fills the prescriptions {Sometimes this gets lost in translation and they don’t get filled or they get filled improperly.}

• The care manager is supposed to call me back. {Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t, I honestly usually end up calling and ask if everything has been taken care of.} Then the care manager fills me in on what the doc & psychiatrist said.

This process takes about 2 weeks. Literally.

I feel like a lot of what I say and what the psychiatrist & medical doctor say gets lost in translation when it’s relayed back and forth so much and that I’m not fully being heard or told things properly.

I’m not sure if you know anything about depression or anxiety medication, BUT It takes about 4-6 weeks to take full effect.

So we have tried 3 medications that have given me undesirable side effects that won’t go away. I’m back at square one feeling like I haven’t gotten any help within the entire 8 months of the study.

This past week I got to actually meet with the psychiatrist via telemed (it’s like a secure version of Skype). I explained to him my struggles and frustrations and he totally understood that.

We have created a new action plan with finding the right medication & a counselor that does the right kind of therapy for my needs.

He told me since I’ve been shuffled around so much because of the staffing issues that he would be willing to meet with me directly from now on, which is also hopeful.

My biggest concern is not actually for myself in this process. It’s realizing how hard it is to get the right type of help in this area.

Now, as you know, I’m a pretty strong advocate for myself. I know when to reach out and ask for help if I need it. {even when I’m being stubborn about it, I can still realize the warning signs.}

But just think about someone who doesn’t recognize those signs in themselves. Or if someone was suicidal or if their medication gave them horrible side effects, and they felt hopeless & knew it would take too long to get actual help –

I have a legitimate fear for that persons well being. Their life could literally be in danger.

So this is why I’m sticking with the process of the study even though it’s been hard & frustrating.

They never promised me it would be easy, that’s why it’s called a study.

But I know it will be worth it.

I’m determined to help bring better care to this area and other rural areas!

If you feel like you need help there are several resources that can help you right NOW!

In our area we have a help line called Dial Help that is there 24/7 to offer help & support.

• Dial Help • Phone: 1 (906) 482-9077

We also have a woman’s Shelter for domestic violence survivors & their children. {I’m actually finishing up my volunteer training there this week!}

• Barbra Kettle-Gundlach Shelter •

Phone: 1 (906) 337 – 5623

• National Suicide Lifeline• Available 24/7

Phone: 1-800-273-8255

Live Chat: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/

Remember there is always hope & always someone that can help, so you can start healing. 💙💜

Transformation

I was searching though my pictures for a Transformational Thursday post on Facebook and I’ve posted these pics before BUT I just wanted to share them again!

WHY?

There are just 8 WEEKS in between these two photos!

8 weeks is just 2 short months.

2 months from today is June 4th.

☀️ OFFICIALLY SUMMER! ☀️

💁🏼‍♀️ So what made the difference between these two pictures?

• It wasn’t my DIET or NUTRITION.

• It wasn’t WORKING OUT more or less.

Surprised??

I know as a health coach you would expect me to say I just ate better and worked out & boom the weight fell off!

BUT there was actually an underlying health issue (well several in fact) that I had been unknowingly battling for years.

We took our chances due to some of my symptoms, and had an exploratory laparoscopic surgery just a few days after that first picture was taken.

The doctor was able to officially diagnose & remove a condition/disease called ENDOMETRIOSIS.

1 out of 10 women have this condition and it often takes YEARS to get a proper diagnosis- if it’s ever diagnosed at all.

It also has a high percentage of reoccurring.

After the removal of the Endometriosis something crazy happened

My HORMONES were finally balanced,

The PUFFINESS went away,

The EXTRA WEIGHT went away,

The PURE EXHAUSTION went away,

The BLOATING went away,

I mean look at the difference in my stomach!

I was also diagnosed with Celiac Disease,

Interstitial Cystitis, which is a super painful bladder condition,

AND a bacterial infection in my uterus,

ALL at the same time.

🤦🏼‍♀️NO WONDER I was in so much pain!!

We cut out gluten & soy, I got instill treatments for my bladder (which has to be repeated several times a year) and in a few weeks time the horrible stomach cramps that would leave me double over in pain stopped.

🤷🏼‍♀️ WHATS MY POINT?

Sometimes, No matter how hard you work out or how perfect your diet is –

There may be something going on in your body that you don’t even know about

OR something that you have zero control over until you get a proper diagnosis!

👉🏼YOU KNOW YOUR BODY BEST.

If you feel like something is off or just isn’t feeling right.

You NEED to be your own advocate and fight.

It took me YEARS to get someone to take me seriously & get the proper diagnosis!

💁🏼‍♀️Do you have or have you had any medical conditons that have made it hard for you to get to where you want to be?

How have you been able to recognize them and overcome them?