• P A I N •

Five years ago TODAY my hubby asked me to marry him. As you may know he had the paparazzi hiding in the bushes taking pics of us the whole time- and I had NO IDEA! 🤣

If you would have told me 6 years ago that within the next 6 years I would be happily married with a 2 year spitfire of a little girl, running my own mom boss business from the comfort of my home I would have probably laughed right in your face.

Six years ago I was in the deepest darkest place I have ever been.

I was in an abusive relationship, feeling stuck, feeling alone, feeling like I wanted out but I didn’t know HOW to leave. I didn’t know how to admit to anyone that I had let it get so bad.

He had control of all my money, my cell phone, my credit cards, my bank account, he told me when I could go to work and when I couldn’t.

I wasn’t allowed to leave the house or go anywhere unless he was with me, not even to go to the grocery store. He put a tracking app on my phone so he knew where I was at all times.

I was a prisoner in his home.

How did it get that way?

It sure didn’t start out that way.

No one in their right mind would jump into that willingly.

He started out loving, caring and kind.

He sent me roses to my work almost weekly.

He held the car door open for me.

He told me I was beautiful.

Then slowly it started to change.

The fun happy loving person changed into a horrible, controlling, mean, manipulating, abusive man. That still sent me flowers to work, to make himself look good- and to confuse me. CONFUSION is an abusers best friend.

I eventually got out.

But I had to take the steps to get out.

I had to get uncomfortable and admit what was going on.

I had to reach out and tell someone and ask for help.

This was not something I could do alone.

God sent me two amazing women, that helped me leave that horrible situation.

To this day I literally owe my life to them.

He got me home safe to my moms house.

He sent me to live with my cousin, who opened her home and let me live with her and her family rent free so I could get back on my feet.

She invited me to church, where I found my purpose and my passion.

She helped me find a job.

She helped me get on a budget so I could get out of debt & save money.

Because of her I accepted Jesus as my savior & was baptized.

God orchestrated all of that for me.

But I had to take the actions of accepting the help.

I had to give in and let others help me.

Then God sent me Dallas.

He knew I needed him.

He knew I needed a patient loving kind man, who supported me and loved me though my healing progress. Even when I was hard to deal with, even when things got bad, even when I lost all hope in myself, doubting that I would ever heal.

Dallas stayed, he told me I would get better- and he believed what he said.

He believed in me even when I didn’t.

My cousin believed in me even when I didn’t.

My friends believed in me even when I didn’t.

My family believed in me even when I didn’t.

If you are in a place in your life where you feel stuck, you feel like there is no way out. I’m here to tell you there is.

But you HAVE to take action.

You can’t sit there WISHING something will change.

You have to WORK for the change.

It won’t be EASY,

But take it from me,

It will be WORTH it.

You will have to step out of your comfort zone and do scary things.

I always thought that leaving the abusive relationship was the hardest thing I had ever done, but it wasn’t-

It was actually the SCARIEST thing I have ever done.

Staying in that relationship was the HARDEST thing I have ever done.

There are two types of pain in this world

The pain of discipline &

The pain of regret.

Don’t regret not trying,

That’s the most painful pain of all.

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All In

Throughout our marriage there have been times when one of us wasn’t able (or let’s face it, sometimes not willing) to step up to the plate, so to speak and do their share.

((Like this time, when I was so sick from a serious complication from having my gallbladder removed. I suffered a bile leak about a week after I got home, which turned into a liver abscess, which eventually turned into sepsis, that permanently damaged my liver. We were new parents to a 6 month old baby at the time. My hubby is a high level hockey coach and travels 3-4 days a week during the season with his team. He balanced taking care of me, shuttling me back and forth to the doctors and the hospital almost daily, administering my IV antibiotics at home for 6 weeks, caring for our infant baby, who refused to take a bottle at the time, he cooked, he cleaned, he juggled scheduling people coming over to our home to help care for me, as our extended family lives 10 hours away. He did all this- without skipping a beat. Just because its what you do, its what you have to do to survive. There is NO way I could ever make it up to him or repay him for all he sacrificed for us during this difficult time where I was literally fighting for my life.))

There have been times when one of us had to do way more than our (quote, unquote) fair share. But you know what, that’s okay. Because I know eventually he will need me to step up and do more, or I will need him to do more. That’s what a team does. It’s not about being divided equally in half. It’s about working together as ONE.

Marriage isn’t about giving a half-hearted attempt. It is not meant to be transactional. Meaning, I’ll do this ONLY if you so that. That is a business transaction not a relationship. That’s keeping score and using it against the other person.

A good marriage, a great marriage – is about giving your ALL, even if the other person can’t. And even if they won’t.

• In a 100/100 marriage, you don’t keep score.

• In a 100/100 marriage, you give even when giving is hard. Even when you don’t want to give. Even when you feel like you have nothing left to give.

• In a 100/100 marriage, you give your all, holding nothing back, even if you don’t get anything in return. Even if you feel like you might be doing more than the other person.

• In a 100/100 marriage, you give, because you love, unconditionally. You give them your all.

Now, Hopefully- Your spouse will see that you are ALL IN and they will return the favor and love that you are giving, but hear me out… Even if they don’t return it-

Your wedding VOWS–

Your PROMISE,

Your COMMITMENT,

Those things, You made before God, before your friends and before your family–

They are NOT based upon on your spouse and what they do and what they don’t do.

They are based on you,

And what YOU DO.

They are based upon the commitment you made to your spouse and to God.

A 100/100 marriage is not easy.

But it is worth it.

{**Disclaimer**- I will be the first person to tell you the only instance in when this is NOT TRUE is when you are being abused, manipulated and blatantly mistreated by your spouse. If you think you are being abused or are in an abusive situation (mental or physical) – Please take it from me- I was in a very seriously abusive relationship before I met my current husband, and didn’t realize it until it was too late. Please if you are being abused- Seek help NOW. }